Is it worth it?

Since I have come back from London, I have not been so alone anymore. Smother is back, with all her smothering ways and so I have been going out a lot more. Mainly to my local, but also to a couple of weddings, parties, even took a trip out to the beach. With that, I am touching base with old friends, meeting friends that I have only spoken to through this blog or facebook (although that has now been disconnected) and I have been making the odd new friend too.

I was talking to one of my new friends last night at our local. We were talking about the gap in the single male market. Especially as you get older, the gap seems to be practically minute for those of us wanting to get married. Your options are a younger man, or in my case a younger man with psychological/possible spiritual issues. There are still some single guys who around the 35-45 issues but what is there a divorcee, a player, a mama’s boy (like the one who just will not let go of mummy’s breast), the single guy who has kids all over the shop, the guy with daddy issues (father left when he was young, I have dated two of them, they have issues), the guy who is busy doing nothing, the commitment-phobic. Then there are the married guys, a married man, some of them are hoes, some of them are really nice guys, but at the end of the day, they are somebody else’s portion.
Once you have hit the hill that is 35, the options are very few and as you go further down the hill especially when the old biological clock is ticking, it is a case of, do I just marry that player for the sakes of it, or do I find that nice married guy whose “wife doesn’t understand him” and have a baby. It is especially difficult when you are in this country, the good ones were taken by the time they barely hit puberty, even the bad ones are taken, so it is just left with the guy who is a potential fraudster (although I am sure it won’t be long until he cons an unsuspecting victim who just wants to get married).

The funny part of it is that me, sitting in my local, thinking of myself, not disturbing anyone and has a listening ear. I seem to be a magnet for married men. But why wouldn’t I, I can hang out like one of the boys, I have the potential to do things in the bedroom that can blow a man’s mind and after that I will cook you a good meal. The married guys, well you will get 1 and 3 no doubt from me, and so they fantasize about number 2 and then I get a lot of “if only I had met you….”. But when I think about it, I am the way I am now because I have made those mistakes in a relationship that you are experiencing now. The only problem is that I didn’t go on to marry that guy. I have been in more fights than Mike Tyson and I have seen what my parents, and other family members have gone through to know what I should and shouldn’t do in a relationship. I have been with someone who was attracted to me because I could be one of the boys but then used that same issue against me when he grew tiresome of me. I have been through it all in my 37 years, so now I am mellow and I have the time to listen, and if you don’t get food to chop at home, feel free to come over for lunch.

But had you met me all those years ago, maybe I would have been a different story. Maybe I would have had the attitude that whatever he does, he is coming home to me. Maybe after an argument I would refrain from cooking, having sex, and the other wifely duties. Maybe I would take it for granted that you are the father of my kids so whatever I say/do, you are not going anywhere. Maybe I would stop making myself look attractive because I don’t need to impress anyone. Maybe after 2 or 3 kids I would not care to lose those extra pounds because why bother. I would like to think that I would be the way I am now. That I would be that every woman, a great mum, wife and still be great at my job, but how many of those are around, and really, something usually suffers, unfortunately, most of the time (not all though) it is likely that the husband takes the worst end and then they turn to the likes of me to get what they are not getting at home.

So what happens, for those “lucky” few, the married guy divorces the wife and then what you become that wife, and if you are not lucky, you become the “wife”. Everything that was wrong in that relationship is now wrong in this one. Honestly, my feelings on that matter, very few married men will give up that “status”, they just want to have the cake and eat what they are not getting at home, but at the end of the day, he goes back home, because at the end of the day, he made that bed.
It really is tempting, you have a guy, and you get all the good parts. He takes you to nice places, the two of you talk, you laugh, you can be yourself, but then those ugly emotions start creeping in. Is it worth it? Yes you are intimate but you don’t have to do it as and when and you do it because the mood takes you and not because you are obliged to. However, there is going to be a time when he takes the family on holiday, his wife gets sick on the same day as you do. Although you will understand, you will feel some way. It’s tempting for the short term but then unless you have resigned yourself to the fact that this is your situation and it’s better than nothing, is it worth it?

Well I keep on praying and hoping and wishing that even though the gap is almost closed, and it is not completely shut off, and I am not led into temptation just to have someone in my life. Hey I only need one single man after all. But preferably one that is relatively normal with not too many issues. Am I asking for too much?

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The Cost of Loneliness – another tale

It’s the end of the first quarter, and Easter has come and gone, and I am officially single and unemployed. The job, well I saw it coming, it had been 6 weeks, I hadn’t made any money and my suggestions to improve the business were misinterpreted as insubordination. I did not call the operations manager Mr Wireko like the others, but by his first name, and well, my heart wasn’t really in it. It was a stop gap and I was planning to leave anyway, it just happened sooner rather than later and without pay, oh well, on a plus, it looks like I will be back at work for a multinational again in a couple of weeks so I have something to look forward to. Me and local companies, not a good mix.

So the other issue, well it was over months ago, but because of the whole knocking thing, families got involved. I gave him the chance to take his drinks back, I got up and was going to give it back to them, but his uncle said we should take more time. Just as I predicted though, the next day Nana Appiah Owusus Asare (if you meet him, don’t make eye contact…lol) calls to say that he quits the relationship. Now I would have had more respect for him if he had said he just wanted out. However, he decided to do his usual distortion of the truth route and told my family that it is because since I came back from London, I have been drinking too much. He also implied that there was something going on with his friend. A friend who recently had a newborn baby, who is always complaining that his money goes on Nan1 and pampers. His friend who owns the bar where my ex himself frequents for a “full dose” (1 shot of Madingo, 1 shot of Herb Afrique, 1 shot of Alomo bitters topped off with a shot of lime). The same spot that he told me that I should be grateful, because even if he turned up later than he told me, he would take me to this spot “on a date”.

So now, after some serious fasting and prayers and a lecture on sitting in spots, I have put this whole sorry episode behind me. Who knows what would have happened once a ring was put on it. I should have known when he told me about the 1st kid omitting to tell me about the 2nd, and I think there is a 3rd kid out there if the rumours are true. I always knew that there were a few fuses blown in that brain of his, but now I think it is a total lights off. When I look back at the conversations we had, I cannot say we had any deep and meaningful conversations, in fact half the time I was confused because he never made sense. I mean who says we should get married at a court house and have a church blessing later, because his friend did not buy his wife an engagement ring until 5 years later (where is the correlation). What is the difference between an engagement the day before and the wedding the day after, just because you know people, but you want to have a party anyway, because you know people. Then who compares the fact that he is not talking to you with your cousin’s marital situation (apparently they were not talking for 8 months, I never even knew and that was actually my cousin). Who takes you to a party, hugs up on another girl, kisses the girl, and then tells you that it was just a peck so why are you starting an argument. Really, I wish him well in that parallel universe where everything he does makes sense because I nearly had a total breakdown figuring out why he was just so dumb, to the point where I snapped.

But anyway, we have done the post-official breakup see each other, the first time was when I stopped for a water at this spot where I like to get drunk and sleep with married men. He was there with some friends of mine, and his friend Yaa. I didn’t look in his direction and said hello to the friends and left. Apparently after, he implied that a conversation she had with me (when she didn’t know we were ever together) was the reason I wasn’t speaking to them, because obviously there is always someone else to blame for the problems he created. Nothing to do with the fact that he called me a liar (twice) then told me that “he is not the first guy to dump me” and then spoiled my name to our entire family, all over the phone like some cheap girl that he was just having a fling with. Well anyway, I got a chance to clear it up with her the second time at a friend’s birthday lunch. Well to be honest, I didn’t even know it was her sitting there because as I wasn’t looking in that direction. But I do think they are having sex though.

From what my friend says the girl is quite lonely, and she seems to go for the type that have multiple girls because they are fit and tall and buff. Coupled with the fact that when I got there they were chatting and the moment he saw me, he became the busiest man on earth, walking around and serving drinks.

Loneliness takes you to places you may never find yourself. A married guy, a sociopathic liar, sometimes you just want that intimacy and well when you get the attention somehow you convince yourself in your head that it is ok, and well provided that you don’t get too emotionally attached, it is ok but that’s the thing. Are we ladies capable of not getting too attached.

When I think about those months with this guy, I knew he wasn’t a serious guy, I knew he was irresponsible. I mean, he lives with mummy, mummy is raising his first child, I didn’t quite catch what happened with the second child (it was a long story and I drifted off). Just like my job, he was the stop-gap guy, someone to keep me busy while I got myself back on track, but somewhere along the line, emotions got involved and I thought that he could be responsible. But then just like the job I had this year, it went south before I knew it, basically because I couldn’t understand the lies and the BS that came out of his mouth, but that was him all over. But that was him and it wasn’t for me to change him, rather for me to not get emotionally attached. I am not disputing that he is a nice guy, and when you need someone to make jokes and talk shit, he never disappoints. If you are hungry and he has money in his pocket, he will buy you banku and fish. However as a responsible adult who is there to take care of your emotional needs, I don’t think he is there yet. He has the body of a 32 year old (although he told me he was 35), but the mental age of a 10 year old mummy’s boy. It may sound bitter, but honestly, bitter would be saying he is a complete asshole and I wish he would do the female population a favour and leave it. But I don’t, I just make honest observations. Something that becomes a cause for arguments when you are with someone who wouldn’t know honest if it slapped him in the face.

Really, I shouldn’t have even gone there at all, I should have just left well enough alone.

But oh well, lesson learned, the price of loneliness, sometimes it can prove more expensive than it is actually worth.

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Pray for the money

Shortly after I got back to Ghana, I called my ex’s mother, just to say I was back, he already has a list of things he hates about me and didn’t want him to add the fact that I came back and didn’t call his poor sweet mother (she is far from helpless but that’s another story). Just like her son, her biggest concern was whether I got a job yet. I said I had, you would think the woman would say “oh thank God” or “well done”. Instead she said “Big money is coming”. She then went on to tell me about her church service that Sunday. There was a big kind of summit where all the Apostolic churches gathered to pray. Why? They prayed for the government to do something about the cash flow situation.

Now, the situation in Ghana is bad, the cedi is declining, businesses are struggling because they have to increase price, but the poor black man doesn’t have enough in his pocket to pay. However, when I go to church on Sunday I go to praise God and thank him for what he has done, a Hail Mary and an Our Father, then I’m out. I think God knows about the situation we have here, so one would presume it was rather unnecessary for a big old gathering to pray for money.

Alas, this is the state of the nation, the government is to blame for the mess and God is looked up to, to fix it. Now I am not saying all the Charismatic, Apostolic and Pentecostal churches are bad. I have been invited to a couple of services where I have listened to the word of God and it has really touched me. I especially enjoy the praise and worship at the beginning. However, there are dozens of churches all over Ghana and probably West Africa who rather than preach the word of God, pray for materialistic things like money, cars, a 6ft tall husband with a 5 bedroom car who drives a land cruiser. Yes, we do it in our heads, we say it out loud before bed, but I don’t know, it feels a bit greedy gathering all the churches in the neighbourhood for special prays, specifically for money.

They could just as easily use that same energy to gather at Parliament House and get the answers from the President and his band of merry ministers, it would probably be faster to. Let’s face it, I’m praying for a decent man and a satisfying job, Mrs X is praying that her husband the serial cheater will change, Mr X on the other hand is praying his wife would stop nagging. Miss Y is praying she passes her exams. Everybody is praying for something whether it is health, money or otherwise, but on a Sunday, we are supposed to gather and just say thank you. Just listen to the word, sing a couple of songs and go home. Even the good book said he rested on Sunday, so let him rest.

It is little wonder the Cedi is declining when instead of focusing the energy on finding ways to rebuild the currency, people are gathering for mass prayers then sitting and waiting for a miracle to come…smh

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Techno Savvy Ghana

My ex boyfriend came to mind on valentines day, 6 years of bullying and trying to get him to understand that the world doesn’t revolve around him, he kinda killed my spirit and gave me self esteem issues for a very long time afterwards, it was like I had PTSD or something. His personality was not to disimilar from Nana (which is how I know I was not in the right frame of mind when I agreed to go out with him). When I thought about Freddy though, I actually smiled, after all, it can’t have been that bad for me to have stayed with him for all those years. He used to buy me really big valentines cards with a teddy and or a rose, and he would buy a bottle of wine for me and 6 cans of Stella Artois for a fiver for him. We’d have a Chinese Takeaway, and we’d just have a laugh.

Nothing like a bad break-up to make the last bad break-up feel like it was heaven. I hope that I think of Nana in that way one day soon (hopefully when I am in a great relationship though and not after a break-up). But today, I just want revenge, and I want him to suffer, and feel every bit of pain he made me feel. I suppose it’s all part of the healing process.

But anyway, today’s topic involves, my office, the electricity, the technology and how I had nothing to do for a day and a half (well two days as I will probably spend the rest of the day enjoying the net, re-reading my girl P’s email and planning my programmes to download). I may get a few calls in, but it all depends on if the Admin manager gives me my fuel allowance. He is the epitome of a manger whereby power goes to one’s head, yet they manage to do nothing.

Now, it may sound like one of my bitching fests, my Goddess complex where I am better than the people around me, but in this case it is true…lol

I like to come in early on Monday mornings, it sets me up for the day, well it’s probably because I don’t do much on Sunday’s so I am not pressing the snooze button about a million times. I get here now, and there was no electricity. This one, wasn’t ECG though, originally they thought it was the young man who was supposed to pay the bill. Karl, his name is, he’s so sweet, in addition to doing his own job they just make him do everything else, buy water, do the photocopies (the Admin manager said it doesn’t make financial sense for the business to have one we were hiring). Anyway, after discussing with the operations manager whether they were going to rat him out to MD, turns out it was a connection fault with the generator switch.

Now I was expecting that the previous week when the lights went off, and we had to sit here the whole day until 5pm doing nothing that Admin would have sorted it out. Apparently, he called once, didn’t get a response, that was it, until Monday. So we sat outside in the hot sun while we had our meeting, that was fun. We did our usual role play and I realised I have created a monster. A little mini me, but a bit like a designer knock off. It’s looks the same, but it is so obvious it is not. Why do I say that, usually I give people a tough time as the client being called. In the real world you will have to deal with a lot of objections, so I do my best to make it as real as possible. Well I had to call my girl and she gave me a really tough time, except she kept saying inappropriate things that you wouldn’t really hear in a business conversation, and I kind of ran rings around her. But I like her, so she is now my pet project, going to toughen her up (I think this is her first real job) but I will fight her corner too. She’s young and hasn’t got that whole female jealousy thing going on so I will take the time to mold her.

Well anyway, it got to later on in the day, we looked like a bunch of misfit homeless people, some where sleeping on the couch, some where reading newspaper at reception and some where just asleep on their desk. So I go into see Admin, and said so what do we do. He says ‘we sit here until 5.30′. I’m thinking dick head, give me an update and give me some alternate means to do my work. You see, the phones are all cordless and run over the network, we all have desktops, all the numbers are on the database, on the computer, so if the electricity or the internet goes down, that’s the company buggard basically.

So anyway, I ask him for an update, and that’s when it must have clicked to find out where the people are. They said they will be here soon, he didn’t get a time, so we sat here, until it was time to go home.

This morning, Admin goes on and on about how he waited until 8 (well he has free reign of the company car so I don’t know what his problem is quite frankly) and well no point getting annoyed with me, when you didn’t bother to apply pressure. So that was the morning wasted, no phone to call, no internet so couldn’t even use the internet on my phone, and once again rather than looking like a professional outfit, we looked like a bunch of misfits.

Admin and operations manager went out to a meeting, neither looked like they had a clue but hey ho.I went home and slept for a bit (well I did have a bit of cramp and it would have been wrong to sleep on my desk). Funny enough it was the two junior boys that followed up with the generator guys and it got fixed by the time I came back after lunch.

This place that I work is very amusing, it has all the mod cons, latest technology, I am sure that what they have mirrors the office in London. Only problem is, this is Ghana, light issues, internet is not always stable, people are not that up to speed. It is all very well having the technology, but there has to be a plan B for those ‘rainy days’, I suggested that there should be a few mobile phones around, just in case we have this issue again, (because I am not using my credit for company business, sorry, and 7 people can’t be queuing for the 1).

He probably won’t hear me though, until the next time. I should stop giving people my brain….

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I have to get into work at 7 and be out at 5, the rationale being that business hours are between 8 and 5 so those are the outer hours is what we should do to read emails and prepare. I am a bit lucky that I live 10 minutes away and I have a car, but look at the people who live on the other side of town. It’s lunchtime and I already want to sleep.
I also realised that the people in ‘management’ are basically members of her family. The admin manager for example, he had been out of work for a long time and got this job through his aunt. So he get’s to use the company pool car too and from work and gets his own office, but what does he know about the business. I have been given 50GHS a week for petrol, on condition that I go out to meet clients once a week, I should also take a receipt when I buy this petrol because I may use it for something else. Trust me, the way my car is sucking fuel there is no chance of that. So I say, what about the to and from work, isn’t that for business purposes that I use my car. That is a benefit he says. Hmmmm, alright love, and he will be checking, because he doesn’t have anything else to do. What are his other issues, the time we take for lunch and removing the kettle from the kitchen. Yes, you read right, he says that if it is in the kitchen we may be tempted to use it but there is already a water cooler, so to save costs and to avoid temptation, he is taking the kettle out. I think it is rather the case that he doesn’t have one and he wants it for his house. What he should be doing is getting my bank details, and making sure I sign the contract before I ship out of here at a days notice. But somehow, he has overlooked that and I am not going to be the one to remind him.

We don’t help ourselves really, you have people in positions that they have no business being in, concentrating on things that they shouldn’t do and so the things that should be turn their concentration to, are missed out. So the business just doesn’t go anywhere, and it starts from the top.

Today, the law says that unless your business does transactions in foreign currency, you can’t change money over a certain threshold. Basically, there is too much dollars in the system but no cedis so it is depreciating at a very alarming rate. It would be fine, if and only if they stopped people from charging in dollars. The company I work with charges its fees in dollars, so according to law, I should give her the cedi equivalent. Why is it still alright for her to charge in dollars. Today if I pay my mortgage I still have to give them the cedi equivalent at the prevailing rate. The rate as at today is 2.5, so how exactly is this piece of legislation going to benefit me going forward.

What they need to do is stop people charging in dollars for cars, houses, and the rest. They also need to stop putting a high tariff on the new goods people bring in and keep them on the crap that people do bring in (like a 50 year old death trap of a car). That way, when the car is at the showroom, the dealer would have worked out what he had spent and then add his margin on accordingly. As for houses, I don’t see any reason why they need to be charged in dollars, cost of cement plus whatever fixtures and fittings put in, then add your margin. It doesn’t take rocket science, I don’t see the logic in continuing to charging in a currency whereby the people don’t earn as a salary.

However, they won’t look at that side, because the person who had the bright idea did not look at the bigger picture. Partly because he is not qualified, and partly because he is thinking about the fact that in 2 years he may not be in that position, so he needs to put as much away in his own foreign bank account. The fact that it is at the expense of his own black brothers and sisters, that is neither here nor there.

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My Crazy Lovelife

If you didn’t get it by now from my previous post, I got duped by a guy with a fake accent. This is how I know that I was really not in my right mind. I mean, and I say this without disrespect. But he was a bullshitter, he is the type of guy that could convince you that you were riding a mercedes when you were in fact in a kia piccanto. Then if you get annoyed and ask for your money back, he’d be out the door. If you had ever watched the show Only Fools and Horses, you would know the type of guy I mean.

To be honest, at first, he was just something to while away time. Loneliness is a bitch, especially without my sister there to give them the once over, she makes me look like a pushover, you will have to jump through so many hoops before you can open that door. But I was getting the attention, he was easy on the eye, I was following my rules and things were going great. Then somewhere along the line I must have got it in my head that this guy was a responsible human being and agreed to get serious with him. Here’s where I learned my new rule. Never date a guy who is dumber than you are, because just like the ugly guy, man is going to have ideas above his station and there you go.

Now when I say he is dumb, I don’t mean to be rude, but he is not the brightest tool in the box. We used to hang out in this spot called Famphy and you know the clientelle are not amongst the most intellectual so he could get away with whatever nonsense he would talk about (if I actually remembered anything we did talk about I would just be deceiving you). But I don’t think that you could put him amongst intellectuals and he would feel comfortable. He told me that he had a degree in Building Construction or something like that, he would talk stuff but I didn’t get it, turns out it was actually the equivalent of a b-tech. Now I know it was a while since I was at school but isn’t that’s not even a full A-Level. He told me he was 35, I find out later he’s only 32. He told me he had a kid, I find out later he has another one somewhere, I don’t know if the mother refuses him to see the child or he is that irresponsible, but put it this way, he is not forthcoming with the truth.

So it was going on for a while, then the guy was like he wants to marry me. I’m like, alright mate, if you say so. He was saying it for months, “Mrs Asare” he used to say, and I’d turn around and ask if his mother was around, I’d heard it all before so really it wasn’t such a big deal. So my dad rolls into town and he says he is going to do the knocking, I still didn’t believe him until the day came and he actually did it (remember I thought he was a bullshitter but I didn’t know at that point that he was an out and out dishonest, deceitful, small minded little man).

It seems like the knocking was the peak of the relationship and it started going downhill from there. What I do know, is the most dangerous man, is a blunt instrument who thinks he’s the smartest tool in the box. Now previously, if he couldn’t make an appointment, he would call, but most of the time he would try and be considerate. Now, Nigga didn’t give a damn, and worst of all, 9 times out of 10 he would borrow my car, use it for days and of course bring me an empty tank back. Lots of promises were made, he would fix the A-C in my car, he would sort out my generator, he would pay my cleaner. Today I drive with the windows down, if there is light-off it is me and the mosquitoes and I have asked my cleaner to return when God willing my salary suffices. But he was very fond of telling me about the days that he ‘used’ to have money.

Now, discussion goes to the wedding, now this is supposed to be my day, I’ll not get into the long story but basically, he wanted to do a quicky wedding in a court house then a big bash in the evening. Why, his words were “my friend didn’t give his wife an engagement ring until their 5th year anniversary”. Now please anyone, if you see the correlation between the two, please let me know because I just don’t get it. When I told him I wanted to get married in church, that should have been the first sign, because that was when I saw the evil spirit come out. “You and your mother arrange it and then send me the bill” he said in a really angry voice. But I ignored it.

Now we go to the first counselling session, we’d already had an argument the day before because we had arranged to see my aunt, but all of a sudden something came up, then I find out later, he found time to deal with another thing that came up, which took obviously the whole day and night, and I sent him a text to say he wasn’t ready for marriage. We didn’t talk until the next day when I called him to ask if he was coming, and his response was “but didn’t you send me that message yesterday”. Now nigga, if I am wrong, tell me I am wrong, but then why prove me right by refusing to go to the counseling. Well he decided to turn up in the end, and what was his question to the counselor who is catholic, who runs a counseling session in a catholic church. “What’s wrong with having a court house wedding, then do a blessing later”. So she explained to him that it is not recognized by the church which would mean we are living in sin and all that goes along with it. Now, Nana likes when someone agrees with him so he can say “even so and so agrees”. Something told me that would be the last counseling session that he would attend. I was right. The second one “something came up” by the third one we were barely on speaking terms.

In parallel to this, he had the bright idea that I should go to America, because his dad the doctor (who is actually a nurse) said I would have no problem with a job or accommodation. When I said I wasn’t to comfortable, the devil came back. (He later asked me if I was so insecure to leave him, this is a guy with no job, a hustler, who drives an Opel from 20 years ago, who still lives at home with his mum). Like why would I want to be an illegal immigrant in America, and well Ghanaians brag, they will tell you it’s not a problem and when you get there it’s a different story. At least here, I am a bum living in my own house.

So, anyway, on the third week, I found a lump in a very unusual place, that day I had no money, my line had been cut, I thought nigga may just call me then I could ask him to take me to the hospital to get it checked out. He didn’t, really I just assumed he was busy doing whatever he did to make money, he’s now a project manager for people building houses, doing his own business as he put it. So I went to the petrol station, borrowed gas, then went by his house, I didn’t see his car so I drove on to find the money elsewhere, cos I was in pain. So I didn’t hear from him that day, I didn’t hear from him the next day. So eventually I got some cash to buy credit, he picks up and I say oh don’t you want to know what’s happened to me, he said he didn’t care because if I wanted him to care I would have knocked on his gate, but he heard I went to Famphy to get a drink on his name. Then he put the phone down on me. It took me two days to get angry, it would have been shorter but I was in a bit of pain. Then I called him, he was at a festival having fun. So I’m thinking, this guy really doesn’t care. So I let rip…yes I went straight up ghetto and I guess the frustrations I had put aside as not a big deal also came out. But the next day, I apologised, I thought I may have gone a bit too ghetto so I may have gone too far, nigga wasn’t phased.

So then he tells me he wants to go on a break, not because of the argument but because I want too much of his time, because I didn’t want to go to America, and some other stuff, the actual reason for the break changed every time we discussed it, and that’s when I left. Oh yes, and apparently I should be grateful that even if he doesn’t turn up when he is supposed to, he does, and he takes me to Famphy. Like say you took me to Golden Tulip once and I will be happy, but a place where the drinks are 1.50ghs, and the only cocktail they do is a mix of madingo, alomo, lime (the last shot escapes me everytime). No. Then he says he was GOING to pay my mortgage but because of MY behaviour he decided not to. Thanks mate, you tell everyone that you have got a good heart (he told me like at least once a day), but you would allow the girl who at one point you planned to marry to be out on the streets. Logical. The last time he gave a reason for the break, was when I was in London. I had been through a whole lot of medication and after making me take a biopsy for the lump (which thankfully I got the all clear), I decided not to talk to him for a few days because really he was half the reason I was in that state in the first place. I finally call him back, and he tells me that the reason for the break is because of something I said THREE days before the knocking, but he thought I would change. So I asked what, and then he responds and before I could say anything he said “check your phone”. So I’m like first of all, I don’t hang on to bitterness like it is a baby but I said it, but it was 2 days after I found the lump. He then says I shouldn’t make my illness an excuse. Then he cut me off and I didn’t hear from me again.

So I come back now, all refreshed and looking blinging thanks to the love of my parents and siblings. We have seen each other on a few occasions, but he’s doing his thing and I’m doing mine.

Then last week I meet a young lady. We have a few things in common, both from abroad, both like a drink and the odd fag, she has her own place, we are the same age, both have foreign passports. She doesn’t know me, but she does know Nana. Apparently they were supposed to go to a funeral that day but he didn’t show. Apparently, Nana had set her up with a friend, but he started to like her, it sounded like they were friends with benefits I don’t know but judging by his MO his fickle little mind had wondered elsewhere and I just gave him the ammunition to be able to break free. He had actually called me the night before and said he was going to come and see me, but then I think he remembered their arrangement, got himself confused and went home.

So his plan I hear was to ignore me until I eventually disappeared so he can get away with not having to take back the drinks and explain (or lie) why he wasted everybody’s God damn time. Which is why he got annoyed when I explained everything to his Dad. Sorry, but I am not going to be ignored. Be a man, face up to your responsibility. Like he got insulted when I said something like “you are going to ignore me (which he was doing) and then I am going to have to lie down and….when you think it’s all good again” or something like that. Like why get insulted when that’s what you do… I don’t know.

But anyway, my ego is a bit sore, and I am really quite annoyed that he is still walking on this earth, but I will get over it. I honestly thought at some point he has the potential to bring himself up, but lower your standards and that’s what you get. I also thought ok, he is slightly unfocused, but he’s nice and we can work on the rest, but all he is, is a deceitful, dishonest, egocentric, egomaniac.

But I can’t blame him totally, what is it they say, the devil makes work for idle hands. Had I been working and not in an unemployed funk, I probably would have seen him for the bullshitter he was and stayed away from him. Smother says it’s all experience. I think I have had enough of experiences now…all I want is a guy without an agenda, who holds an intelligent conversation and can see past his nose. Is it too much to ask.

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Human Resources, Recruitment and stuff

It’s Tuesday morning, I was going to send this out yesterday, but halfway through typing the lights went out and the generator messed up. So I was here from 2pm, doing nothing basically, the phones are set to wireless so couldn’t make a call, the CV’s were on the computer so couldn’t read them. My boss wouldn’t allow us to go, but at ten to 5 I managed to break loose because really it was a waste of a day. It is a bit of a shame because Monday morning started off great, I got in at 6.40 having typed up my script for the morning’s role play. Then I go to switch on the photocopy and nearly blew up the building. A fuse burst (well it felt like it), then a whole phase of the building went down, photocopier, internet and water cooler. There was a bit of a panic because everyone needed to print out their script, and I’m like what did we do before computer, pen and paper, write it out. That didn’t go down well with the Admin Manager, he gave everyone a lecture about it not being printed. I still think that he is trying to justify his position because only God knows what he does in the little office around the corner, because his only other added contribution to the morning’s meeting was that people were taking a little bit extra than the allocated one hour for lunch.

I further antagonised the operations manager this morning too. Honestly, I swear, I didn’t do it intentionally. We had to give feedback on everyone’s presentation and it is not my fault that the boss agreed with every comment I made. Then when it was his turn, she made a comment that he sounded like he was reading. The final blow was when after my presentation, the only comment was that I said that I was a “consultant” and not a “senior consultant” (that whole status thing), and I didn’t make business conversation, but I decided to leave it out anyway. So the Ops Manager decides to give his comment and all he could come up with is that I was slanging. Like I’m British, have you not heard one before. I’m already annoyed that my accent is going (just as smother said), and I am really making a conscious effort not to let it go, so please.

Well he shouldn’t worry though, he can get me at tomorrow’s meeting as I have not called any companies, well technically it is not entirely my fault because the lines and the net was down so was unable to get any information. Now I have to find clients with exceptional talents. Which leads me to my point today. In Ghana, it is very common to have a 6 or 7 paged CV unlike the 2 page CV required for UK applicants. In UK, I know that most agencies put your CV through a scanner and if the buzz words come up it is accepted, if not, CV thrown in the bin. Here all CV’s are read by one scanner that is me. So here’s a few pointers for anyone who sends their CV through, just in case you don’t hear from me or any of my colleagues:

1.First of all this is an executive recruitment consultancy (mid to senior level), unfortunately we don’t look for work for fresh graduates. If you come through here as a fresh graduate with little to no experience, you can have all the firsts in the world, you are going to have to take a very junior level position.

2. Please don’t say you pay attention to detail then have spelling mistakes, grammatical errors and words where you have put a s pace in between them because you haven’t read the CV before sending.

3. Entry Level means you want a position that doesn’t require much skill or qualification, it’s actually lower than a graduate position, if you have been a Finance Manager for the past 20 years, you are not looking for an entry level position. I don’t know if it is that people don’t understand the meaning or they haven’t changed their profile statement in 20 years but you should know better.

4. If the font is in Comic or any other garish font which quite frankly hurts my eyes, I will throw it away, I am not going to look at it. That means you Mr acting CEO, computers have been around for a while now so you should know how to change your style to a decent font. Please also make sure that the font is consistent throughout the CV, it makes ones eyes really sore otherwise.

5. Telling me that you worked in a position for two years but not giving me dates, doesn’t tell me anything and your CV will end up in the file marked “others”.

6. Make sure your work experience reads in the right order.

7. It is really nice to know that you are a married father of two who is a non-smoker, but I just want to know if you can do the job, it is rather unnecessary.

8. Three references are enough, one CV I read had about 9 references, I get your point, you are a credible person, but I don’t need to get one from your pastor, your best friend from college, your prophet, your high school teacher and your doctor in addition to the countless other references you put down.

9. The generic random cover letter is not necessary, this is a recruitment firm, we like your CV, we send it forward, the covering letter is a waste of time, save it for the direct company to company application, that way you can tailor it to be more personal.

10. I know that it is the Ghanaian way to have a 6 page long CV but try and keep it as brief as possible. When it is too long you find that companies only read the last job you did and may miss out on the rest of your work experience. Long story short, it gets boring.

We’ve just finished our morning devotion, which as I said is a good thing, but I like to have my quiet time with God, not with wailing noises around me, I am hoping that they never ask me to lead because my prayers are very short. Thank you God for today, please make it a fruitful one.

Time to make like I am working now, I haven’t managed to call one company yet, so I better do what I was employed to do. Well at least until lunchtime.

Goodbye for now.

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